We all want to be validated. It’s human. As a creative, it’s normal to crave validation from our work.
And look, I’m not coming here to pretend that I’m above being validated, don’t feel a boost when I get complimented on my work, or have goals that involve being recognized because I’d be lying.
The real problem is when that need for validation starts to dictate your creative work.
How do I know? Because I’m dealing with releasing those fears and beliefs right now. As I keep trying to push myself to draft my next manuscript, I’m still not sure it’s the story I want to tell. But the real issue isn’t necessarily the story, it’s that I’m so concerned with how it’s going to be received that I can’t even do the work. I’m constantly asking myself, “Will an agent want this?" “Will readers be entertained?” “Is this idea sellable/fresh?” “Can I pull off my vision?”
I’ve self-edited and critiqued a manuscript that doesn’t even exist. I’ve put the audience before the work. This is a dangerous path to tread down.
I really enjoyed The Creative Act by Rick Rubin and resonated with many of his musings. He writes, “In terms of priority, inspiration comes first. You come next. The audience comes last.”
To me, validation and audience are interchangeable. When we create to appeal to an audience our ideas become diluted, or worse suppressed. Our job isn’t to pander to a trend or an external desire. Putting the audience before our own inner compass kills our creativity before it can flourish.
No doubt part of this dilemma is tied to capitalism and the business of being an artist. The audience being agents, publishers and critics. We want guarantees. We want to put our energy into a project that we believe will pay off either financially or artistically. We want to be accepted by the many gatekeepers (the issues in the publishing industry also can’t be ignored).
How do we balance art and commerce? How do we create freely?
I believe we have no choice but to release the outcome. Untie the work to it’s end goal. We don’t control it. We control our work. The only thing that matters is our work. It’s our job to create.
As I think about my specific manuscript challenge, the problem isn’t the story (aka the topic/characters/genre). It’s what I’m focusing on. The outcome. The validation. The audience. This is the antithesis of creativity.
“If an individual puts the opinion, approval, or recognition of someone else over their own feelings, they will need that external, other person's validation on an ongoing basis,” licensed psychotherapist Sherry Gaba writes for Psychology Today.
If we chase validation for our work then we’re never going to be truly satisfied with our creation. And it will likely repeat, again and again.
So what do we do about it?
Focus on your art. This is straightforward. Put 100% effort into your creation until you’re completely satisfied. Not happy with your work? Keep at it. As you continually look inside instead of out, you’ll be able to better gauge the quality of your work.
Shut off distractions. Whether that’s external distractions (social media, TV, people) or internal distractions (fear, procrastination, self-doubt), these will prevent you from creating from within.
Practice self-compassion. We all want to be validated, so don’t beat yourself up about it. If you’re really down, turn to a trusted friend, partner or therapist to share your feelings or give you a boost.
Find community. Being an artist can be isolating and lonely, as our work is often done alone. Connecting with others can be a reminder that you’re not alone in your frustrations, anxieties and challenges.
Do you find yourself seeking validation? It is difficult when you produce work that doesn’t get the reception you were hoping for? Please feel free share your thoughts and feelings in the comments—I’m right alongside you.
What I’m reading: Didion and Babitz by Lili Anolik
Technically I just finished this book, but I left feeling a little disappointed in the positioning of the story. It had little to do with Didion and everything to do with Eve Babitz, the muse and writer Anolik first brought back to our modern consciousness in a 2014 feature for Vanity Fair. Because Anolik spent so much time with Eve and her family and friends, the story feels unbalanced in its aim to properly connect the two writers and their supposed feud. However, I really enjoyed the deep dive into Eve’s past and gained an appreciation for how unabashedly she lived her life.
What I’m watching: Running Point & The White Lotus Season 3
I’m a big Mindy Kaling fan, so when I found out she was one of the show’s creators, I had to tune in. The comedy follows Isla Gordon (Kate Hudson), a former party girl who becomes the president of the L.A. Waves, a family-owned basketball team. It’s funny and light without being too cheesy or preachy, and requires just the right amount of brain power on tired evenings.
Of course, I’m also watching Season 3 of The White Lotus. It’s Parker Posey and Walton Goggins that I can’t get enough of. Don’t you just love Mike White’s brain?
What I’m listening to: Relationships by Haim
I loved Haim’s album Days are Gone (2013), so was excited to see the release of their new single Relationships, a catchy song that laments the frustrations that come with dating. If you’re into music videos, this one directed by Camille Summers-Valli is quite stylish and worth the watch.